April 2008
26 posts
I'm self-smarted, basically, by myself
Watch this video. It’s a hilarious interview with a prisoner who talks about how he “self-learned his self” through doing drugs. I have no idea if this is real or not, but can you imagine how successful a viral marketing campaign would be that had videos that were this funny?
Here’s the lesson: many people are online looking for entertainment, and if you can create...
Why I hung up on the pizza guy
Customer Service (CS): Thank you for choosing XXX Pizza, would you like try our Fantastic Friday Special?
Me: No, I actually...
CS: It comes with a free order of "Nutso" Bread, an extra large Supreme pizza, and your choice of Caesar or garden salad. It's a limited time offer, and it only costs $22.99.
Me: No thanks, I think I know...
CS: Is this for delivery or takeout?
Me: It depends. How long is the wait?
CS: It depends.
(Awkward silence, broken by grumbling stomach.)
Me: How about right now. How long is the wait for delivery versus pickup?
CS: Pickup is always faster.
Me: I know, but if it's going to be less than 40 minutes, I'd rather just wait here than drive all the way out there.
CS: If you pick it up, we can have it ready it 20 minutes.
Me: It takes me twenty minutes to get there, and twenty back, then I'm looking at 40 minutes, you see.
CS: It takes the delivery driver the same amount of time to get there as it would for you. We don't drive twice as fast.
Me: Yes, I know but...(Googling other pizza places)...how much is it for just a medium pizza with pepperoni, olives and fresh tomatoes?
CS: What do you mean fresh tomatoes?
Me: You put them on after it comes out of the oven instead of before...
CS: It's $7.49 for a plain cheese and $.99 for all the toppings. Sliced tomatoes are extra.
Me: End communication.
CS: What?
Me: (click)
Quote of the Day: Pulitzer on Messaging
“Put it to them briefly, so they will read it; clearly, so they will appreciate it; picturesquely so they will remember it; and above all, accurately so they will be guided by its light.”
-Joseph Pulitzer
Say a lot with a little
I’ve been doing a creative exercise lately that challenges me to tell a story in just a few words syllables. It’s been fun and very challenging, but today I had an “Ah-Hah!” moment and realized that in marketing, saying more with less is good.
Said Thomas Jefferson:
“The most valuable of all talents is that of never using two words when one will do.”
People...
Marketing Tip of the Day
An underused and very important aspect of good marketing is this:
Talk Straight.
Simple, right? Too simple? Never. People want direct, true information. They want to glance at something for 3 seconds and get what you’re trying to say and what you want them to do.
You should do it.
For more good tips, subscribe to Manizesto.
Most of the advertising agencies go by the rule of pay...
Hilarious customer feedback
The following is an actual Continental Airlines customer who is upset with his seat and provides frank, hilarious feedback for the company (it’s from a few years ago):
Dear Continental Airlines,
I am disgusted as I write this note to you about the miserable experience I am having sitting in seat 29E on one of your aircraft. As you may know, this seat is situated directly across from...
Why you should ALWAYS proofread
Today we had a close call and almost pushed a page live with this text, promoting an upcoming webinar with Chris Baggott presenting (click to enlarge).
Bet you didn’t know Jesus was a marketing expert.
The most common marketing mistake
Back in college we had to design brochures for the U.S. Army Reserve for a pro-bono capstone project. After countless, exhausting group-project hours, we came up with a brochure we thought was great. It wasn’t. Why? We made the biggest novice marketing mistake you can make:
We Didn’t Include a Call to Action
It seems simple, right? Yet so many inexperienced (and sadly, many seasoned)...
Five Free Sales & Marketing Tools
No time for long introductions today. Here are a few FREE marketing tools you can use for your business:
1. Free CRM. CRM (customer relationship management) is of course, very important to every business, and if you can’t afford mega tools (like SalesForce.com), then FreeCRM is great. You can manage leads, keep a calendar, write cases, set up scripts, and much more.
2. Free Conference...
How to sell boring stuff like life insurance
If you can be successful at marketing some of the most boring products in the world, then imagine how easy it will be for you to sell everything else!
Let’s practice.
Suppose you’ve just opened a small branch to sell life insurance - does it get more boring than that? You’re desperate to show the big wigs that you can hold your own, and you have a couple of eager employees, a...
Should FREE be in your business model?
You may have read the Wired article “Free! Why $0.00 is the Future of Business” (it’s well worth the read if you haven’t), which made me wonder if free is really reasonable for the average small business. Or better yet, should every marketer look at his or her products and try to find a way to offer something for free?
The answer is Yes, you should, especially in a weak...
4 Good Smells that Make Sales
Of all your marketing efforts, using smell to influence customers is probably not one you’ve considered.
But maybe you should. Researchers and companies are starting to realize the impact smells can make. Kia, for example, has re-engineered their new car smell to suit European buyers, KFC has begun putting plates full of their food on the mail carts of corporate offices and wafting the...
The worst product label ever? Maybe.
Please never do this with your product labels (click to enlarge). It’s just not a good idea to demand to have your entire company history, a moral code, various philosophical theories, the bio of the company founder and quotes from famous theologians - including doomsday prophesies - on the label of your product.
A sampling:
Each swallow works to be...